


100 Ways To Say I love You

by Bates



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (specific tags for each fic in notes), 100 ways to say i love you, Drabbles, Fluff, M/M, Roadtrip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-11 17:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5635909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bates/pseuds/Bates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles/ficlets based up the '<a href="http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136190048300/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you">100 ways to say I love you' list</a> floating around on Tumblr. (Based upon <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4481279/chapters/10187171">a series by HollyBlue</a>)</p><p>Sometimes, the most powerful way to say I love you is by not saying it at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. #57 "There is enough room for both of us.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #57 "There is enough room for both of us.” (0.9k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/136602838236/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-57)) As requested by iamaqt314 and quakerwhereisthesnowlass
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Tags** ; _Roadtrip!au, university students Sam and Gabriel, first roadtrip, build up to Sam/Gabriel._

It’s been years

Since we whispered soft

With the torch light on

And the big light off

We were tired boys

With the soap on our skin

And we’d fall asleep to the wind

**Passenger // Circles**

 

The road trip had been Sam’s idea; summer was here, the weather was nice and Gabriel had never been on one before. For some reason that Gabriel couldn’t quite fathom himself, Sam had started planning their trip. ‘ _It’s almost your birthday anyway Gabe. I promise you’ll love it_.’ He would have said no, he didn’t want to have a road trip. After all there were so many _other_ things they could do. Like go to the movies, get some cake, go out. _Anything_. Gabriel would have probably killed to just go to a bar and have a few drinks, but no, he’d complied and said ‘ _sure, why not’_.

Gabriel had to tell the truth though, he _was_ enjoying it. He got to spend the entire day with his best friend, he saw the sun set over the highway and they listened to cheesy music. His day had improved _dramatically_ when Sam finally allowed him to put in his Les Miserables CD and he got to sing along. Which was, truth be told, quite to Sam’s annoyance at first. Sam was a hard man to persuade, but eventually they were both singing along to ‘Do you hear the people sing’ with the windows wide open and _laughing_.

God, that felt so good, to laugh and let go. University had stressed them all out quite majorly – Sam was the one that was affected most – so this was good, warm, comforting. Welcome.

 

At first, the nights sleeping in the back of the car hadn’t bothered him. They’d switched around driving and sleeping, each getting about half a night of sleep each time. Sometimes, Gabriel would take the wheel during the day and drive for a while, so Sam could take a quick little cat nap. He knew that he as well took a few naps in the passenger seat.

Sam must have noticed, because each time he’d woken back up, he’d had a blanket thrown over his lap and the music had been turned down. Once, he’d woken up to Sam humming ‘Hey Jude’ and he’d fallen right back to sleep. Another time, they’d been parked out on a parking lot and Sam had been calling his mom. Gabriel could hear him promise to stay safe, give her an update on how things were.

“Yeah, he’s good. He’s asleep now,” had been what Gabriel had heard. “I think he’s enjoying it. (…) Yeah, I’m really glad too, he’s a good companion. (…) No, I haven’t told him, not yet. (…) You know I do. (…) I love you mom, see you next week.” Even if he didn’t know what it was that, he felt his heart warm up at the mention anyway.

 

After three days however, his back ached and he wanted nothing more than have a nice and soft bed to lie down in. He didn’t know how Sam was doing it. Sam was a lot taller than him, mad to be even more cramped in the back, he had to be dying.

When Gabriel _suggested_ a motel, Sam just sighed. His all too famous _‘why must you torture me so_ ’ sigh and had Gabriel rolling his eyes at him and poking him in the ribs. It was so easy to find the perfect spot to poke on Sam.

Sam agreed however, on the claim that yeah, his back was hurting too and they should have a full night of sleep if they didn’t want to get the car into an accident. His only remark had been that they shouldn’t clock in too early. _You don’t want to be stuck in a motel room for too long. You’ll run out of things to do quickly – trust me._

 

When they eventually pulled into a motel, there were no twin rooms left. They’d settled on a room with a twin size bed. Even though yeah, Gabriel had wanted to sleep in an actual bed for a change, Sam should take it. He had been cramped up for an entire week, Gabriel hadn’t.

The couch was big enough anyway and it was comfortable. Really comfortable compared to the backseat of the Impala – Gabriel still didn’t know how Sam had managed to get the Impala from his brother and father. Both of them always took pride in the car and usually didn’t even let Sam _touch_ it.

Those were mysteries for another day however. The couch was comfortable and he was sleepy. He’d fallen asleep for about an hour while they were driving, Sam eventually waking him up when he tried to get Gabriel out of the car.

He was woken up when Sam came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but his PJ bottoms. _Oh god._ If anything was a pleasant sight to see. _Focus Gabriel, go back to sleep_.

“Gabe?” Sam was kneeling in front of the couch, one hand of his shoulder. “Come on. There is enough room for both of us.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Come on.” Gabriel stumbled behind Sam to the bed. It was a bit small, truth be told, but it worked. “Don’t make it so awkward.” He tried to roll more to the side, so that he was lying further from Sam. “Not that way, Gabe. Jesus. We’ve known each other for long enough now. You can snuggle a bit closer. I don’t bite.”

 

Gabriel had to admit, it was the best night of sleep he’d gotten in a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request"](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself.


	2. #89 "I noticed."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #89 "I noticed.” (1k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/136627094166/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-89)) As requested by jeanboulet
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Tags;_ Mentions of Christianity, praying, slurs, fighting, hospitals, worry  & blood. (This is an angstier one shot, but nothing major happens!)

_Hello, I know that we don't talk,_

_but still you whisper in my thoughts._

_You cry. Please don't cry._

_You told me that you had to go_

_although you said you loved me so._

 

**Tessa Violet - This I Pray For You**

****

_In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen._ Sam took a deep breath, eyes closed. Praying always brought him peace, a calm in his mind. The past few weeks and months had been rough on him. With first his mother getting sick and because of that, both of his parents being gone a lot. Dean was out at work or at Jo’s, Anna or Cas’s a lot of the time, so he’d had a lot of time to himself. Maybe too much time. All the thinking was getting him down.

Praying helped clear his head, some nights. Some nights, it only made him feel worse, made him bawl his eyes out. It was okay however. It was one of the only things that never changed, even though recent happenings had made him doubt it, ever so slightly.

 

_CALLING GABRIEL…_

_You’ve reached Gabriel Novak’s voicemail. Please leave a message after the beep or call back at a later time._

Sam had been getting his voicemail for a few days now. Usually it wasn’t a reason to worry. Gabriel was out and about all the time, walking and living a crazy and active life. It was one of the perks of being over eighteen and part of a busy family, Sam guessed.

 _“_ Hey Gabe, it’s me, again. Call me back.” Maybe Sam was paranoid, but Gabriel had been acting off for a little bit now and quite frankly it worried him.

 

The past few weeks had been weird. Ever since their kiss, he’d been acting off. Avoiding Sam and distancing himself from everyone around. Even Castiel, his brother, had asked Sam if anything had happened that he wasn’t speaking about. What could Sam say?

Gabriel hadn’t had a freak-out, that much Sam was sure. Of all the other things, Sam had absolutely no idea. He could have taken his car and driven far away without telling anyone. He was ever changing and unpredictable that way. He’d always been.

It was part of what made Gabriel fun and exciting. They’d been friends since middle school and Sam had practically watched as he became more outgoing, adventurous. It had been good to see. Really good in fact.

He’d started behaving odd a long time ago, when he’d been all wrapped up in self-loathing and figuring out what he was, how he identified. Sam had _hated_ that look in his eyes. Had hated seeing his best friend so thorn up.

Part of him was afraid that he’d get that answer again, that Gabriel would be turned into himself again, but that he’d driven off to somewhere unknown and parked the car there, gone away. It wasn’t out of character for him. Gabriel was Gabriel and this was who he was.

Sam would just have to deal.

 

* * *

 

_GABRIEL CALLING…_

“Gabriel.” He didn’t even allow his friend to say anything before speaking. “Are you okay?”

“Define okay. I need a ride.” It was all that Gabriel wanted to say over the phone. “Look, Sam, I can’t call my parents about this, they’ll kill me and they won’t discharge me unless I have someone to take me out of here safely.”

“Where are you?” Sam should probably know better, should know that his parents would worry if he left at nine am with Dean’s car. Hell, his brother would kill him for taking the car, but Dean would sleep in until one and even so, he shouldn’t even notice that it was gone. “I’ll come pick you up. We need to talk.”

 

* * *

 

 

The ER smelled like anti-bacterial soap. It was the first thing that came to mind as he walked through the hall as Gabriel had instructed and knocked on his door.

“Hi Gab-“ Gabriel had blood still clinging to his nose and his hand was wrapped up in thick bandages. There were sutures at his eyebrow, his right eye was swollen. _Fuck._ “What happened.”

“Good to see you too Sammy.”

“Don’t kid me. What happened?” He sat down at the end of the bed, careful not to sit on Gabe’s feet. “You look like you got in a fight and lost.”

                      

“Does it make it any better if I say the other guy looks worse?” The awkward silence had to say enough about the answer. “Oh don’t look at me like that Sammy. It’s not like anyone even noticed that I was here the past few days.”

“I noticed.” Sam bit his lip. They’d shared nothing but a kiss, Sam had no reason to act like the hurt boyfriend all of a sudden. “ _I_ noticed Gabriel. Even if Castiel is used to you disappearing like this and didn’t worry, your siblings are not the only ones out there who care.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Don’t forget it next time and pick up your phone when people call you.” Sam didn’t mean to sound so bitter. He’d known that Gabriel wouldn’t call, that he wouldn’t let up a light flare to let people know he was alive until he had no other option. It was something he knew, something he’d been able to take before. “What happened? Tell me everything.”

“I was the hero this time,” Gabriel said, clasping his teeth as he tried to smile and hit a sore spot. “Saw this kid getting beat up, apparently, I was low enough of reasons to keep myself whole to stop myself from stepping in.” He bit his lip. “You should have heard was they were yelling at that poor kid, Sam. _You dirty faggot,_ among more colourful things. You have to understand.”

“I do. You’re an idiot for stepping in and getting yourself beat up, but yeah.” Sam shook his head. “Do you have any idea how worried I was? Why didn’t you just pick up? I’d have come get you.”

“I honestly didn’t think that you’d even noticed and they had me asleep about 24/7.”

“I notice. I always do.” How could Gabriel even still doubt that? “Let’s get you discharged, okay?”

“Oh yes please. Sam? Thank you.”

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request"](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself. ^-^


	3. #98 "Take a deep breath.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #98 "Take a deep breath.” (1.4k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/136602838236/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-57)) As requested by envydean/hollyblue2
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this one got away from me. I don't know how it got so long. This is a timestamp for [Go Back Home](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3258053/chapters/7103780) (more info about this in the end notes) but written as a stand alone, so you don't have to read that fic before reading this one. Should you have read that fic, it's situated between the last chapter and the epilogue. [But again, it's no real spoiler either, so should you want to read Go Back Home, you can read this thing first and it won't ruin anything for you].
> 
>  **Tags** ; _artist!Gabriel, Author!Sam, mentions of sign sign language, fluff, engagement_

_I've been to heaven I've been to hell_

_I've been to Vegas and god knows where_

_But nothing feels like home like you babe_

_I love you more than you will ever know_

_Than you will know_

_Dear I love you more than you will ever know_

**_Never Shout Never – I love you more than you will ever know_ **

 

Gabriel was going to do it. _Finally_. After too long and chickening out for too damn long. He was going to propose to his boyfriend _that day_ or his name wasn’t Gabriel Milton and he wasn’t part of _the Fallen Archangels_.

But then again, it had been what he’d said the day before and the day before that and let’s not forget about the week prior. The ring had been burning a hole in his pocket ever since they’d started their tour.

Sam had joined them this time, even if it was just to sit back stage and maybe write a little bit. He said that it was because when he was alone in their house, he couldn’t concentrate and he would only procrastinate, but Gabriel knew that he just didn’t want to miss him again.

On their last tour, Sam had stayed at home and while they had Skyped, both of them had missed each other like crazy. Enough for Gabriel to actually have tears in his eyes while singing ‘ _We might be Dead Tomorrow_ ’, which was _their_ song, the song that he’d written for Sam.

Having Sam there should make this all easier, should make it easier for him to propose but truth be told, it only made things harder. He had to try to make sure that Sam didn’t find the ring anywhere while rummaging through their clothes or that he didn’t lose it.

Tonight, they were playing a concert at a smaller avenue with fewer people so in theory, it should be perfect. It had been his brother who had suggested to ask like this. _You’re the cheesy one who wrote a song for him in the first place. You can do it again._

Yeah, he could do it again, except this time he’d worked and worked and worked and he still wasn’t happy. He’d worked on it for weeks, keeping it in a secret location on his computer because sometimes, Sam used his computer to do research for _‘Thanks for the Memories’_ or whatever the work in progress title for the novel was.

Should Sam have stumbled across the file and read it, things wouldn’t have turned out as positive and good as they had now. The whole surprise would have been ruined. Just three more hours until the concert and he was already nervous, _great_.

 

The people were busy and it was wonderful. Gabriel always preferred the concerts to be like this; it was so much easier to get lost in the moment when the people were singing along and dancing. Their new album – When Life Turns Bright – was a bit of a mix between their older songs and the newer ones so Gabriel had quite honestly been scared that they’d lose a few people, but quite the contrary had happened.

Even though they loved the songs that were heavier on the drums, they seemed to be in love with the three ballads that they’d put in as well. Those were usually the songs that he performed practically on his own, just his guitar, his mic and him.

There was just one song left. _The song_. Gabriel’s hands were sweaty and he was sure that his legs were shaking. He couldn’t stop his feet from tapping the bar they were resting on and his lips were pulled up in a nervous smile.

 _Take a deep breath, Gabriel_.

“Hey you guys, I hope you’re okay with me closing this one on my own tonight,” he said in the mic, glad to hear that they yelled back variations of ‘ _yes_ ’ at him. “Don’t worry, my brothers will be coming back on stage to come say goodbye. You won’t have to miss them for too long. Now, have you guys hidden my boyfriend in the crowd or is he still back stage?” Laughter bubbled up from the crowd. “Because if you people are holding him captive, I kinda like him and he should come up here. There’s a perfectly good seat for him right there and it’s getting cold.” _Oh god he was babbling. Get it together you idiot._

Sam frowned as he walked on stage from the pathway where his had just disappeared, shooting him a questioning look.

“Oh come on Sam, the crowd loves you.” Gabriel threw him a smile or at least, attempted to. “Just promise you won’t start crying on me this time.”

“Then you stop writing me songs,” Sam said, holding the microphone that they’d given him sort of awkwardly. Even after a few book release presentations, Sam still wasn’t used to the microphones or crowds just yet. “As long as you keep surprising me with songs, I’ll cry Gabe. I know you love it.”

“Of course I do.” His hands were really shaking now, bad enough for him to need to close his eyes and take a deep breath. “People you know I’m kinda in love with the idiot over there. So here’s another one for him.”

His fingers started strumming almost on auto pilot, quickly switching between chords. The beginning was easy, he just sang about their mornings waking up with each other, about just how much Gabriel loved that nerd.

“Sometimes you lose yourself in the darkness of your mind,” he sang softly, knowing that Sam hated it when he wrote about that dark period in their lives. Ever since that first song, Gabriel had made sure to keep it all out of it and only indirectly point at the dark bounds of sadness that still followed the birthdays they couldn’t celebrate. “They will pass my love, hang on for just another day. You may feel alone, but don’t forget I’m always here to hold you close. Please just for now, stay here.”

Sam was just staring at him, _curious_. God, he was so much of a goof sometimes. “You live life with the biggest smile, but what’s hiding underneath. You’re so strong my love, don’t believe the opposite.”

It went on like that for quite a while, taking a much more turn soon, singing about the future they could have together. It was the cheesiest song he’d written so far, but Sam was staring at him, just _staring_ and smiling and Gabriel was about three hundred percent sure that there were tears in his hopefully about-to-be-fiancé’s eyes.

“Hope we’ll live life until we’re old and grey, with lines etched in our skins,” he sang. “Holding hands until the nursery home, because our hearts keep beating to the same tune.” It was just his guitar solo now. His guitar solo and then he’d put his guitar to the side and turn both his microphone stand and bar stool over to face Sam, to sign the last bit acapella. He’d be there without the safety of his guitar, with only the last verse and then the question. _Fuck._

“Hope we’ll live life until we’re old and grey, with lines etched in our skins,” he sang again as he got up and took the mic out of the stand as to not to create too much disturbance on the speakers. “How about we start right now?” Secretly, he hoped that some of the people in the crowd knew sign language. The sign for ‘Will you marry me’ was relatively easy, just moving his hand down, pointing to Sam, clasping his hands together and then pointing at himself.

“What do you say to forever?” Gabriel remembered how Sam had told him a story about his mum and dad, about how John had asked Mary to marry him the exact same way, with the words ‘ _what do you say to forever’_. He’d stored it in the back of his mind, for exactly now.

Oh god, Sam’s eyes widened as he both sang the words and did the sign, tears running down his face now. Sam was up and walking, pulling him against his chest and oh god. _This was Sam’s way of saying yes_.

“Yes, Gabriel. Oh god, Yes. _Yes.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request"](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself.
> 
> If you want a video on the sing that Gabriel uses, you can find it right [here](http://signlanguageforlovers.tumblr.com/post/16211389571/i-was-recently-asked-how-to-say-will-you-marry). Gabriel uses sign language because it's become a thing between them (his mother is deaf).  
> The song he sings is based upon the melody of 'Even My Dad Does Sometimes' by Ed Sheeran.  
> The summary for Go Back Home; Sam Winchester's book has been stuck at chapter fifteen for ages. He has the inspiration alright, but it just isn't working out.
> 
> Stressed after writing all day, he gives in to Anna's request to join her had a local concert of the band 'The Fallen Archangels'. Turns out, alcohol and concerts just don't mix well. Especially the morning after. Not that he minds waking up next to a naked Gabriel Novak, guitarist of said band.
> 
> What ensues is the tale of two men in a pretend relationship, concerts, acting like goofballs and, _love?_


	4. #50 "I think you're beautiful"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #50 "I think you're beautiful.” (1.5k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/136873031026/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-50)) As requested by wordssometimesfail
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the epitome of fluff. Like, fluff with an extra sprinkling of fluff.  
> tags; _nurse!Sam, parents, childen, kid!fic, fluff, domesticity, (casual mentions of c-section/other newborn related hospital practices)_

_Because holding you has never felt like clinging;_

_It feels like coming home._

**[Of hands and home // virgilinasgard](http://virgilinasgard.tumblr.com/post/129945779874/because-holding-you-has-never-felt-like-clinging) **

 

> #50 “I think you’re beautiful” (1.6k - [AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5635909/chapters/13058056)) As requested by @wordssometimesfail  
>  **tags;**   _nurse!Sam, parents, childen, kid!fic, fluff, domesticity, casual mentions of c-section/other newborn related hospital practices (_ This is just unexcused fluff with an extra sprinkling of fluff. Hope you enjoy!)
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^ 

 

Sam was so over his work week. His feet hurt, his legs felt as if they were running around on willpower alone and his coffee consumption had reached new records. He’d thought that he’d reached his all-time record when doing his final exams, but with just how much more coffee he’d drank that morning alone, he was sure that he’d crossed that line by at least six cups.

The end of the year was always busy; doctors were waiting to fill up their patient counts and hospitals needed to hit certain quota. While the surgical part didn’t quite have an effect on him, it did mean that he was there to help out with more babies after c-sections and that their ward was oddly busy as well.

* * *

 

He’d never known if it was stress or maybe just something to do with the festive spirit, but there were more women going into labor, both at term and preterm, every year. Sam had known when he started pursuing his nursing degree that it would be like this; all the countless hours of studying would lead to countless hours of working. It was good, he didn’t mind.

After all, it was all about the patients and loving what you do. Sam did, quite honestly he adored it. It was all for the people and the gratitude he got from them. He’d gotten the chance to hold countless newborn babies, had seen more people give birth and watched as babies that were never supposed to make it strived.

Sure, he was glad when his day of arrived or when he finally got a breather, but he didn’t mind the work either. In the end, he had his thirty minutes of lunch break and sometimes, the parents always loved to talk with him. Especially the fathers had a lot of questions if they weren’t too freaked out with all that had been happening.

 

Sam could almost feel his muscles sing a hallelujah when he sat down in the locker room. Finally, after hours and hours of running around, he could sit down. Walking was overrated, _majorly_ overrated. His last family had been a wonderful one however.

Sometimes, all it took was a father smiling down at his kid with a huge smile to make his day worth it, no matter how crappy the previous hours had been. Sometimes, it was seeing a guy break down because they just saw their wife hold their newborn and it clicked. Sometimes, seeing two fathers walk out with their child was even more rewarding, because he knew that feeling.

It had been just six months since Gabriel and he had done the exact same thing, since they’d walked out of his own hospital with a little baby girl. Six months since Grace came into their life and probably six months since either of them had gotten a good night of sleep but it was worth it. Just seeing her sleepy smiles in the morning or hear Gabriel sing her back to sleep over the baby monitor was worth it, let alone all the other things that came with.

He could go home to them now, see his husband probably asleep on the couch with Grace somewhere close. Dinners had been quick ones lately; more often than not Gabriel send him a text to grab some take out on the way because apparently, they’d gone to the grocery store to get diapers and formula but any and all dinner plans had gone flying out the window.

_It had been a long week for the both of them._

Sam closed the door behind him gently, towing off his shoes in the hallway before padding into the kitchen. Gabriel was cooking and half singing, actually using his spatula as a microphone. His husband clearly hadn’t noticed him there and Sam was going to take advantage of it.

He so rarely got to look at him these days, when all was so hectic. For the first half of the week Sam had had the night shift and Gabriel had worked during the day, so they’d seen each other not more than for a quick kiss before the other was off to work.

If Gabriel hadn’t been cooking, he’d have probably already snuck up on him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Sam knew him however and knew that when Gabriel was handling either sharp or hot things, it was best to wait until he noticed you.

Grace was sitting in her swing, chewing on her fingers and staying relatively calm while her father was being crazy. Her pacifier had fallen out a bit ago, but she didn’t quite seem to mind as long as she had her fingers as replacements.

“Hey baby girl,” he whispered, crouching down when she stretched her arms up at him.  “Papa is still gross, I’m going to clean up first and then pick you up, okay?” Her bottom lip started to quiver, eyes filling up with tears. “Oh fine you win.” He clicked the buckle open and lifted her up in his arms. She was warm against his chest.

Part of him had been afraid that holding her wouldn’t be as special. After all, he handled babies all day and worked with them. He didn’t know quite why, but he’d always been afraid that when she’d been born, that it would be just like any other baby at the hospital.

Thank god it wasn’t, far from in fact. She was extra special, because with her he could see the tiny changes. He could see how her eyes had started turning a bit darker every month. Soon enough, she’d probably be dark blue to brown, if his guess was right.

“She’s got you wrapped all around her finger,” Gabriel said with a grin from the stove. “You’re not as sneaky as you think.”

“Who says I wanted to be sneaky? And you didn’t know that I was there for a pretty long time. Our little rascal gave me away, didn’t she? ” he asked with a smile before stepping closer to Gabriel now the danger had passed. “Hi babe.”

“Sam I was on a honeymoon with you and watched you sneak the actual ring in when you wanted to propose to me, you’re everything but sneaky. I missed you,” Gabriel sighed before wrapping his arms around Sam’s waist. “You’re always gone way too long.”

“Oh tell me what you really think.” He couldn’t help but grin though. He’d missed him. It was always when he was back in Gabriel’s arms that he noticed just how much he missed him. “Don’t I know it, they’re putting me on earlier shifts next month though, so I’ll be home sooner. Is dinner almost ready?” Gabriel hummed.

“Do you want to know what I really think?” he asked. Sam just nodded because knowing Gabriel, it was probably something either wildly inappropriate or really random. Like the fact that the platypus is also known as the duck-billed platypus and that they eat worms. “I think that you’re beautiful and that I don’t tell you that enough. Even if you’re all covered in grime and sweat.”

Grace chose that moment to squeal loudly, just smiling up at the two of them as if it was all normal. “See, even our daughter agrees, don’t you baby girl? Thought so. You taking a shower first? Dinner’s not for another half an hour.”

“Nah, I have time to spend with my family first, showers can go later.”

 

Gabriel and Sam lay curled up together in bed that night, the television still playing even if no one was watching it. Gabriel was fast asleep already, arm thrown across Sam’s waist and head resting on his shoulder.

Sam was still awake. After Grace had woken him up for a diaper change two hours ago, he’d been wide awake. He’d brought her in with them at first so she could sleep in the co-sleeper for just one more time. She’d be not more than an arm’s reach away if she cried and it brought him some reassurance too. Everything was good, she was happy and safe.

If he looked to his right, he could see her sleep, small smiles pulling across her lips as she dreamt and feet kicking at random intervals. It was in sleep that Gabriel and Grace looked so much a like. Like father, like daughter, even if there was no real biological connection between the two of them.

Gabriel was smiling in his shoulder almost the exact same way that Grace was and it was then, as he was watching what was pretty much his entire world, that he realized that he had it together. He had a husband to come home to, a stable job, a beautiful daughter. He had his brother coming by every month, he saw both Gabriel’s parents and his parents every other week. Life was going good, better than expected even.

He smiled, wiping a stray strand of hair away. “You know what Gabriel?” he whispered. “I think you’re beautiful too.”

“Go to sleep you sap,” Gabriel sighed. “I love you.”

“Now who’s the sap huh? I love you too.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Gabriel’s head before finally, blissfully, drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request"](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself.


	5. #14 "Can I have this dance?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #14 "Can I have this dance?” (2.2k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/137298357001/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-14)) As requested by janimoon.
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Tags** ; _dancing, fluff, college!au, possible song of achilles spoilers, with illustration (on AO3)_

 

I keep telling people

I fell in love with the city,

when the only thing that I fell in love with was you.

Not the street lights,

but your jaunty laughter when we walked beneath them.

Not the music of the river,

but your voice when you said, ‘let’s dance.’

**you probably don’t even remember. | r. s.**

 

* * *

 

Sam didn’t know how it had happened, but he was finally on his way back to Lawrence. Life at university was great, it honestly was, but he missed his parents and his brother more than he liked to admit. They called and Skyped every other week, but it was different from sitting downstairs and having pie on Sundays.

Gabriel was sitting in the passenger seat, knees pulled up and a book open on his lap. Sam and he had switched a little bit under a half an hour ago, when they’d pulled into Lawrence. The roads had been familiar for Gabriel up until now, but they’d start changing soon enough.

“You still game?” Sam asked, taking his eyes off the road for a minute. “I mean. If you don’t want to, it’s okay.”

“Of course I am,” he said, folding the corner of a page. Sam cringed at the clear abuse of the book, but Gabe just grinned at him. “I can't wait to meet the famous Winchesters.”

“Have you even heard of bookmarks, page flags, a _notebook?_ You’re just abusing the poor thing. Just a warning, but they might threaten to kill you. Or hurt you. Get your body out where nobody will be able to find you if you hurt my feelings.”

“How are you supposed to mark which pages are important?” Gabriel shook his head. “Leave me and my books alone Sammish. It’s me who needs a ten page paper on the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus done by the end of the month, not you.” He fell silent for a bit. “Does that officially make you the girl in this relationship?”

“What are they up to this time?” Gabriel had shared snippets of the book with him and sure, it sounded interesting enough. Not his kind of book. “If this is you subtly asking me to do iron your clothes so you don’t burn a hole in your shirt again – no. You’ve seen my shirts – I’m not a sliver better. Ask your mother, hell ask _my_ mother to teach you, but please let me watch as you burn your fingers. Someone has to drive you to the hospital and I’m afraid the rest of the Winchesters will be laughing too much.”

“ _Sam Winchester,_ you little shit.” Gabriel was grinning though, so it was worth it. “Achilles is about to hurt someone real bad if he can’t find a guy. No spoilers. You already promised to read it and then spell check my essay.”

“You’re lucky I love you so much,” he sighed, “but you know I already started it – I will never be able to look at another fig again and _not_ think of those idiots.”

“You’re welcome – I’m glad to share the pain.”

 

 Sam was driving on auto pilot again and it felt good. He was glad to be back in Lawrence, back at home. He’d see his parents soon, see Dean for the first time in probably four months. No mother how much of a sap and a baby it made him, he missed his family, he truly did. Life at university was busy and hectic. Gabriel and Sam had rarely found time for each other and they shared a _room_. Getting more than an hour a week for his parents was impossible.

Most of all, he was excited to finally get to properly introduce his boyfriend to them. Mary – his mother – had seen Gabriel around in the background and bring him coffee. She’d even seen Gabe press a kiss to the top of his head and come drag him to bed because it was already twelve pm but he hadn’t wanted to end the chat.

He thought they’d probably figured it out, he hadn’t explicitly mentioned to anyone that Gabriel was his boyfriend. His stubborn and idiot dance loving and literature student boyfriend with a gingerbread heart. Sam _hoped_ they would fall in love with him just as much as he had.

 

Sam pulled up at their house a little before nine am. His mother was already waiting at the door, a smile on her lips. Sam felt something tug at his heart, in the best way possible when he saw her.  He’d really missed her.

“Gabe,” he whispered, gently shaking him, “we’re here.”  Gabriel had fallen asleep about an hour ago, his book still open on his lap. Sam had put a bookmark in just in case it fell close as he shifted. “Wake up.”

“I kinda hate you sometimes,” he mumbled. “I really, really hate you sometimes.”

“If it’s a solace, I think mom has pancakes waiting for us inside – she asked us when we’d arrive. It’s either pancakes or French toast. They’re her classics.” Sam had fond memories of coming home from school trips worn out and tired only to come home and have French toast waiting for him. He’d gone to bed warm and comfortable each time.

Prom day had been exactly the same. Jess and he had come back around one am to a completely dark house.  Jess had been complaining about her feet and why Sam had to be so tall she _had_ to wear them. When they’d walked in the kitchen – no matter how much fun dancing could be, they were both starving - there had been a plate of waffles with a note ‘ _should you be hungry, hope you had fun. We went to bed, please keep quiet when you come upstairs.  Xoxo Mom’._

“She’s staring at you,” he mumbled, “you get out I’ll be right there and get our bags on the way there.”

“Sure, but leave the bags, I’ll bring them in when we’re eating.” Sam couldn’t help but press a kiss to his temple. “See you in a minute.” He wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard Gabriel mumble _sap_ at him as he climbed out of the car.

 

His mother hugged him tight and then stepped to Gabriel, waiting for just a second before hugging him too. Their introduction was a little clumsy, but neither really seemed to care. Gabriel after all had just climbed out of the car still half asleep only to be immediately roped into meeting the parents-in-law.

“Come on, John and Dean are already waiting,” his mother said as she waited for them to walk in first. “They’re in the kitchen – there’s pancakes waiting for you all.”

“Told you,” Sam whispered in Gabriel’s ear, before gently steering him towards the kitchen. “I’ll give you a tour of the house later. It’s not that many rooms, but you don’t want to stumble in Dean’s room. He’s… he doesn’t like cleaning.”

“Hey, I can hear you!” Dean yelled at him from the kitchen, “Get your ass in here Sammy, food’s getting cold. _Hey.”_ Sam could just imagine how their father had poked Dean in his ribs to shut him up. He grinned, taking Gabriel’s hand in his and squeezing lightly before pulling him back in the kitchen. “Hey there stranger. Finally showing your face?”

“Sit down Sam, Gabriel. Let’s get started on the food,” his mother said from behind them. “Coffee anyone?”

 

It felt like just any other family dinner, except that his parent asked Gabriel questions, both out of curiosity and politeness. Gabriel answered each of them and with the nod that his father threw them when they walked out after their lunch, he was approved of.

Sam was oddly proud about it. No matter how old he got, knowing that his father approved was still important to him. If he approved of Gabriel, it meant Gabe didn’t have to go anywhere. Even if John didn’t approve of someone, Sam knew that he wouldn’t do anything to pull them apart. Having his father _like_ Gabe however, was important to him.

“I’m giving him a tour of the house,” Sam said by way of explanation. “We’ll be right back.” He was sure that Dean yelled something after him, but knowing his brother he didn’t want to hear it anyway. “Like I said before, last thing you want to do is stumble in Dean’s room instead of mine.”

“Noted and remembered,” Gabe said. “Your family is nice.”

“I’m glad you think so. But yeah, they are. I’m surprised Dean and dad didn’t gang up on you. If they didn’t pull up the shotgun excuse now or today for that matter, I don’t think they will. You’re approved of. Okay, so this is the bathroom – always knock first but you know that – Dean’s room is right there, mom and dad’s room in the corner over there and this, this is mine.” He pushed the door open and led Gabe in, opening the window first chance he got. “With a severe lack of air.”

“You have a record player,” Gabe remarked. Sam’s room was nothing but nostalgia, from the bands (and their respective posters) to the books and the record player. Truth was that Sam had sort of forgotten about the record. His parents had given their old record player and records a while ago, because they didn’t use it and Sam listened to them more than anyone in the house.

Most of his records were older ones, like the Beatles or the Foo Fighters, even some Elvis. He had to admit that he didn’t listen to the quite as much as he ought to. Dean had gotten him some newer ones however and he did listen to them quite often.

His favorite were a few Beatles albums. Those were the most worn of them all.

“You can pick one if you like,” he said, pointing at it. “I’m going to change the sheets real quick – I don’t know when I last changed them but I know it probably wasn’t even _this year_.”

“How considerate of you, Sammy.” Gabriel was grinning at him, pointedly stealing his brother’s nickname.

“I can kick your ass out of bed and you _could_ sleep on the couch,” he said, the same smile reflected on his lips. “But in all seriously, _don’t_ start calling me Sammy – Sammy is a chubby – oh hang on.” He reached over to one of his nightstands to grab a family picture. “Here. Sammy is a chubby twelve year old.”

“I’m digging the purple dog shirt,” he said with a smirk on his lips. “Where are the records?”

“Above the desk – with the other books.” The mattress made a groaning thud as it fell back on the frame. “You can reach them, right? Anyway, the purple shirt, I still have it. You can see it was huge on me, so if you want to sleep in it or something. It’s in the closet.”

“I state my point of earlier – you’re a sap.”

“Oh I know. I’m a sap but you know you love it.”

“Never stated otherwise.” Sam heard him slip one of the records out of the cover and put it on. Soon enough, the soft sounds of Hey Jude reverberated through his room. “You know what I love. You.” He smiled. “You know that I kinda fell in love with you straight of the bat? When you were drunk and asked me to dance with you?”

“I had a feeling,” he admitted. He had that feeling because every time that his parents asked him if he was enjoying his stay, he’d said that he’d already fallen in love with the city. Quite frankly, he hadn’t. He’d fallen in love with Gabriel’s smile and the way that even though the height difference was just a bit ridiculous, they seemed to fit together like pieces in a puzzle when hugging or dancing.

“What do you think Sam?” Gabriel asked with a grin on his lips. “Can I have this dance?”

“Why of course,” he grinned, stepping in Gabriel’s arms. “You know, the song you picked, my mom used to sing it to us, when we were younger. I know it by heart.”

“Oh I know. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but when you think I’m asleep, you sing it too.” The room  was too small to dance, but their awkward shuffling worked out. “Hey Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to, go out and get her.”

“The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better,” Sam finished, arms tightening just a little bit around Gabriel’s waist. “And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain.”

“Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders,” Gabriel and he sang together, low enough to still hear. For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool, by making his world a little colder.” He could feel Gabriel’s heart beat under his skin. “I really should get clean sheets on the bed.”

“And I really need to go find that shirt,” Gabe said with a grin, but they still didn’t break apart. “But I think I’d rather stay here with you.”

“Yeah. I’m glad to finally have you here Gabe.”

“I’m glad to have finally met your parents.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself. (Also, the "art" is over at [dA](http://austencovers.deviantart.com/art/Car-rides-are-tiring-584384110) \- I might post it to Tumblr but probably not)


	6. #16 "It's okay, I couldn't sleep anyway.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #16 "It's okay, I couldn't sleep anyway.” (1.4 k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/137610068981/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-16)) As requested by quirkykayleetam.
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Tags** ; _angst, hurt, sick!Sam, fever, coughing up blood, meds, hurt/comfort_

_we don’t break all at once;_

_we don’t rise up like waves,_

_to crash upon the shoreline._

 

_we wilt like flowers in autumn;_

_we shatter slowly, like a mirror:_

_piece by piece._

**— trying to make agony graceful | m.a.w**

 

* * *

 

 

Sam was tired and exhausted; worn even. He’d been staring at the clock just willing time to move faster, but it wasn’t happening. The bunker was too quiet without everybody there. Dean and Cas were off hunting a creature, Charlie was hanging out with her girlfriend and probably wouldn’t be back for another few days and Gabriel, well, Gabriel was _somewhere_.

Gabriel had left a day or three ago. Sam didn’t remember where he had gone even though he was sure that Gabriel had told him. Last he’d heard from him, he was in an art museum somewhere in Kansas City. The text he’d received was more commentary on how inaccurate they’d painted him than an actual update, but Sam couldn't quite bring himself to mind it.

_I swear Sam, you’d think they don’t have hairdressers or that I’d be stupid enough to let my hair grow that long. I look like Curly McCurly. They got the nose right though; that something at least._

Even if Gabriel didn’t quite know that it cheered him up, it did. Sam had been half asleep when replying, so he was sure the text was more gibberish than an actual reply. He should look back on it, but he couldn't bring himself to picking up his phone. 

No matter how much Gabriel texted though, Sam was still alone in the bunker. He was alone and sick, feeling miserable. He didn’t blame Dean and Cas for wanting him to stay home. After all, he wouldn’t be helping them any by running for five meters and almost coughing up his lungs or throwing up. He _had_ tried. He’d ran up the stairs and ended up sitting down on the ground with black spots in his vision and an acute lack of air.

Dean had taken _one_ look at him before helping him to bed and telling him to just rest. _Me and Cas have got this man. You rest up. You look like hell frozen over_. He never got sick. Ever since he was a baby, he’d rarely gotten anything remotely worse than a cold. Most of the time when he did get worse illnesses, it was because he’d forgotten to take a shower after the monster and the goo affected him. So yeah, this _sucked_.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam would be grateful if he could breathe for more than a second before either coughing or having to blow his nose. It had been fine the first days, but now his muscles hurt from the strain they were under and he’d started tasting blood in his mouth. He should be worried. Tasting blood or coughing up blood would have send _anyone_ to the hospital, but he honestly wasn't.

 _Screw it._ Sleeping wasn’t going to happen anyway. He should go down to the hospital wing and try to find the painkillers they had stashed somewhere. Sam had some hidden away in drawers in his room for when hunts went wrong, but they’d stopped working a long time ago. Somewhere between the fever and the taste of blood.

 

The floor was cold as he padded down the hall to the living room and slipped through to their hospital wing. The pills would help and perhaps he’d even fall asleep. After the last three days of constant pain, he _needed_ to sleep. The insomnia was getting to him, more than he thought it would.

Sam pulled the pill bottle out and tapped a few pills out. He wasn’t sure how many he had on his hand, but quite frankly, it would take a few for him to go out. Better take a few too many _now_ and sleep than take too few and have to make the trip to the hospital wing again. Navigating his way there had been bad enough, doing it a second time while partially medicated would only make things worse.

Now just go to the kitchen, get a glass of water and swallow the pills, sleep a little bit.

 

The bunker had been designed for functionality. As much as it has started to feel like a home to them, it was still empty, sober. It was a good thing mostly. Now he was sick there was less stuff he could knock of the tables while getting to the couch – it was almost a miracle he managed it without crashing a vase to the floor – and in a normal situation, it would hurt as much if they had to say goodbye to something they’d started calling home yet again.

Dean had actually started making it feel a bit more like home. The details he was adding reminded Sam a lot of the pictures they hadn’t lost in the fire; the colour scheme and just the objects. Dean had gone out and bought flowers to put in one of the vases in the dining room, the old school lace coasters under some of the lamps in the library. The kitchen now housed a couple of aprons and the family picture Dean kept in the tin under his bed had been brought to a photography shop to get enlarged and printed on high quality paper. It was something Sam _could_ do, given Photoshop and a good scan of the picture, but Dean had insisted. They _did_ have the money to blow it wasn’t that big a deal.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam had just settled himself under the blankets when he heard the door of the bunker open. The old metal had started to show its first signs of wear a while ago, but now it did nothing but groaning and creaking if anyone entered. He listened for two pairs of feet and his brother’s voice coming through. It’d mean they were back a little too quickly for it to have actually been a hunt, but it hadn’t been the first time Dean had pulled an all-nighter driving and Cas had managed to use whatever grace he still possessed to snuff out the demons, ghost or even the occasional Wendigo within hours of arriving.

Sam didn’t hear his brother’s familiar footsteps however, and it threw him. Whatever had gotten inside shouldn’t have been able to get in as easily if it was malicious. When demons and monsters had keys to their place, he’d rather just go to sleep and be killed then while they were at it.

After all, this might all be a fever dream. He hadn’t checked his fever in the past few days, but on the day his brother had left it had been a 39.2°C temperature and it had almost been enough to keep his brother at home. Dean shouldn’t have bothered, with all the meds he was taking it’d have been down within an instant.

 

Fever hallucinations however were things he didn’t quite want to deal with. Especially if they were humming and singing while coming to murder him. Sam was  _in the bunker_ not some cheesy horror movie. If they decided that this was their best way to get to him, Sam didn't know how clever the monster could actually be. He’d heard the not quite Dean footsteps and that was fine, but now the sounds were coming closer. The door to the living room opened with a creak. If this was his end, he’d be sort of glad. At least he'd be put out of his misery, right?

Fever made him just a bit dramatic.

But then the monster _closed the door_? Since when were monsters civil? He ought to investigate, look over the couch and see who it was, if it was Charlie who came back – though the steps didn’t quite feel like hers either – or if Kevin was somehow making him freak out.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he heard Gabriel’s all too familiar voice say from the corner of the room. _Oh great_. He’d freaked out over Gabriel. “Did I wake you? I should’ve kept quiet.”

“It’s okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway,” he sighed, attempting to sit up. The meds weren’t quite working yet and Gabriel was the closest thing to company he’d had in a few days. He ought to talk a bit, socialize. God knew that he missed it. “How was –“ Pain stabbed through his lungs as he what felt like coughed one up. “-how were the museums?”

“You’re sick.” Gabriel was just staring now, at his mouth and hand. “Like _hospital_ sick.”

“It’s fine – I’ve had worse.”

“Sam you’re _coughing up blood_ ,” Gabriel said, frowning. Sam didn’t quite notice it when Gabe decided to walk to him. “And you’re burning up. Jesus Christ. We need to get your temperature down.” He fussed around Sam, putting a wet rag on his skin. “If it’s not down in three hours I’m driving you to the hospital. Hell I’m _flying_ you in if I have to.” He put a hand on Sam’s and it took him a minute before he realized that he was wiping away the blood. Where had he gotten the tissue? “I ought to bring you there now. Call me next time.”

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“Don’t. Just let me take care of you.”

 

Sam did fall asleep after that, with his head in Gabriel’s lap and the angel carding his fingers through his hair, checking his temperature every few minutes. He’d wanted to point out that it was a bit of a wasted effort to, but quite honestly, Sam was comfortable and sleep was more than welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself. 
> 
> This one will probably be continued in the next one, because one of the other numbers was perfect. This is going to be angsty and I'm very sorry for that in advance - I'm drowning in studying and I think I'm taking it out on y'all. I'm very sorry for the ten days wait!


	7. #23 "I'll Wait.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #23 "I'll Wait.” (2.5k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/137711554916/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-23)) As requested by extremely-forgettable
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a follow up to the previous chapter! You can however read this without the previous drabble.  
>  **Tags** ; _angst, hurt, sick!Sam, fever, coughing up blood, meds, hurt/comfort, mentions of demon blood, grace!healing_  
>  _I am so sorry._

_This is what they don’t tell you_

_when you’re five and you believe_

_if you swing high enough_

_you’ll become the sky;_

_you’ll scrape your knee when you jump_

_and slowly you’ll forget why you ever tried to fly. (…)_

_This is what they don’t tell you_

_when you’re eighteen and his kisses_

_taste like galaxies on your lips;_

_he’s just a star, you’ll love a hundred more_

_before you discover your sun._

_This is what they don’t tell you_

_when you’re twenty two and_

_the bullets feel lighter than your soul;_

_you are flesh, blood and bone_

_and in ten thousand years you won’t matter. But now you do._

_This is what they don’t tell you_

_because you already know._

**_\- THIS IS WHAT THEY DON’T TELL YOU (VIA LOSTCAP)_ **

 

* * *

 

 

Even the waiting room – a place that Gabriel had been pacing in for the last minutes – of the hospital smelled like anti-septic. Gabriel had brought Sam in two hours ago, after he’d woken up with a fever of almost 40°C and collapsed the second he tried to take a step. Gabriel had flown him to the parking lot – exhausting a lot of the grace he had left – before stumbling in with him a little awkwardly.

Sam was tall and clumsy, barely present as Gabriel signed them up. One of the nurses brought them a wheelchair so Gabriel could at least deal with him properly and excused herself for the wait. Even though Sam was an urgent case, he wasn’t the only one. More people were waiting on help and others were emergencies as well.

“I’m sorry,” she’d said, “I’ll get a doctor for him as soon as possible.” He’d noticed her staring as they took a seat, Gabriel fussing over Sam and brushing the hair away so he was even remotely comfortable. It was a bit awkward, but Sam managed to lean against him so he could sleep a little bit. The girl smiled at them and picked up the phone.

It was twenty minutes later that a doctor arrived to wheel Sam back. Truth be told, Gabriel would have personally dragged a doctor to the side and scared him into dropping his current patient. Sam had started babbling silently, words Gabriel couldn’t decipher. He had wanted to follow, go with them to make sure that he was alright, but he couldn’t. The doctor told him to stay behind and wait. With the condition Sam was in, he’d probably be staying at least overnight. There was paperwork that needed to be filled out.

“Could you please fill this out?” a nurse had asked, “we’ll let you know when you can see your husband.” Gabriel hadn’t even said anything to them, but they’d assumed. He ought to say it wasn’t true, but he doubted they’d allow him to see him if he told them he didn’t have any relation to Sam.

He felt almost stupid as he filled them out, because of how much he wasn’t sure of. Dean ought to e there, but Gabriel was almost afraid of calling him. If he called Dean for the information, Dean would turn the Impala around and come back first thing. Sam would be pissed.

The doctor eventually brought him to Sam a half an hour later. They’d drawn blood, put an oxygen mask on him and were mainly monitoring him. The doctor explained that they would need to do more tests and do a scan of his lungs, but that they’d have to wait until the morning.

“There are some of them that he needs to be awake for,” he supplied, “this is all we can do for now. The results should be in soon enough. I’m sorry.”

“Okay. Do yo- do you know what could be wrong?” Gabriel couldn’t feel it. He could see the illness coil around under his skin, saw it almost as a taint, but couldn’t recognize it. As much as his healing – which he had tried on him – hadn’t worked, he couldn’t identify it either. “Is it a lung infection or?”

“We’ll see in the morning. Results will tell. His symptoms can lead to many things, no need to worry you now.” And gone the doctor was.

Sam was asleep, blankets pulled half over his body and pillow half put under his head. It was odd, how hospital could make a man as tall as him small and fragile. Whatever this illness was, Gabriel was sure it wasn’t completely natural. He couldn’t heal him. Each time Gabriel tried, it was like Sam’s body rejected the offered grace. It would sink in, go through the blood vessels and start cleansing the blood, but he could feel it as it made its way to the lungs and it dimmed out, flickered and died.

It scared Gabriel, reminded him that even if he’d brought Sam to the hospital, they might not be able to help. It was the next best thing however, because at least they could do something. Something was better than the nothing his grace could provide.

He needed to call Dean. But first, wait, wait until the doctors ran more test and he could offer up more information. Until he could give Dean less of a reason to yell at him. Dean had barely allowed Gabriel to hang around as it was. If Sam hadn’t insisted that it was fine, that they’d worked out whatever it was between them.

Which was true...at least half. They’d talked, but it wasn’t finished. There was still a lot hanging in the air between them. There was still frustrations and fondness, affection that neither of them wanted to acknowledge.

It was okay. It was. Except that on moments like this, when Gabriel was utterly powerless and Sam was hurt, it hit him hard.

“I’ll wait for you,” he whispered, pulling the chair closer to the bed so he could at least be in contact with Sam. Maybe, if he’d send grace his way all night, it would do something for his irregular heartbeat and breathing. “I’ll wait for you to come back and kick this, okay?”

Gabriel woke up disoriented. There was light filtering through the blinds and the clock told him it was morning now. He couldn’t remember going to sleep, only remembered shutting his eyes to focus on the feelings, to focus on the energy flowing to Sam.

The connection had drained him, but seemed to have made Sam stronger. The monitors no longer showed dangerous counts. His oxygen levels had risen and even his heartbeat was a little bit stronger.

“Good morning Sammy,” he muttered, sitting up. “I hope you’re feeling a bit better.” He shifted his hand from his arm back down to his hand and gave it a light squeeze. “We’ll figure out what the hell is gone wrong with you soon enough. I’m going to face the inquisition now and see what your brother can offer up. I’ll be right back.”

Dean and Cas stood in Sam’s room not even fifteen minutes after he called. Sam had just been taken back to have a CT scan done and for even more tests. It shouldn’t take too long, which was what Gabriel had tried to explain to the other Winchester, to no avail.

Castiel had flown them to the parking lot even thought they’d only been an hour out. Dean was visibly worried however, growing more concerned as Gabriel explained what he could.

“So you brought him to a hospital?” Dean was looking at him as if he was crazy. “You’re an angel you can heal him.” They were still in Sam’s room and just as expected, Dean was tearing him a new one. “Use your grace.” Even though Dean was making an effort to keep his voice down, it still carried. Gabriel’s eyes shifted to the empty hallway.

“I tried.” He tried to stay calm, to keep his voice down too, but quite honestly, he’d spend the entire day worrying, had given his everything he could to try and help Sam. He was done. “Don’t you think that I tried? It didn’t take. I can see the ugly darkness coil in his veins but I cannot take it.” His fingers balled into fists, nails digging in the soft flesh of his palm. Breathe Gabriel. “I’ve been feeding him my grace all night and it did nothing but stabilize him. This is not a natural illness, but I couldn’t leave him alone to feel miserable.”

Dean stiffened and opened his mouth to say something, but shut it as a nurse wheeled the bed back in. It was the girl of before, the nurse who had given him the paper work and kept eying them the previous day.

“Hello,” she said, nodding to both Castiel and Dean. “Here we are again. The doctor will be here in fifteen minutes, to update you on your husbands condition.” She worked as she spoke, hooking everything to the proper monitors and hanging the IV bags back. “He should have the results soon.”

Gabriel could just feel Dean’s eyes snap to him. At least he was polite enough to wait until the nurse was out of the room before speaking.

“Husband? You know that Sammy is going to kill you for that cover right?”

“I never said anything,” he sighed, falling back in the chair. “She just went with her intuition or something and I went with hers – they wouldn’t allow me in if I said anything else.”

“Dean, give him a break,” Castiel said gently. “I’ll go sweep the bunker – see if there’s any hex bags, anything that can...explain. There could be something in the books. I’ll come back as soon as I found something.” He flickered out of view.

The doctor hadn’t found anything that could specifically be wrong with Sam. His blood counts were terrible and his lungs were showing serious signs of both scarring and lung infection, but there was nothing specific they could find to make him this ill.

“We’ll keep looking,” the doctor had promised, before adding stronger medications to his IV and noting down some of the stats. “There’s more avenues for us to explore.” It was as he left that Castiel came back, a stern and worried expression in his eyes. This would not be good. At all.

“I didn’t find anything in the bunker,” he said, “but I did consult with Crowley.” Dean snapped his head around at the mention of the demon. “It’s why Gabriel’s grace will not do anything. The illness is demonic in origin. His take on it is that the demon blood caused it.” It’d been years since Sam had even done as much as touch demon blood, Dean said as much. “It’s the long term effects. The demonic quality to the blood gave him the powers but they needed a...catalyst to convert it to something the body could use.”

Dean cursed under his breath. “What else?”

“Sam was forced to drink litres of blood. At the time, his organs, mainly his heart and lungs were used as catalyst.” His brothers eyes flicked to him. “It scarred them and has been working and worsening the damage since. I believe that it has just started to show its effects.”

“He’s had that cold for a while,” Dean admitted frowning. “Do you think?”

“I’m not a doctor, but yes.”

“Did Crowley offer a solution?” Gabriel asked. He couldn’t keep the worry out of his voice or his posture. Demon blood. Sam had taken so much of it, first under Ruby and then for Lucifer. “How to get rid of it?”

“Not entirely.” His brother looked at him again. “There will always be scarring. With grace-“ He opened his mouth, to say that grace clearly wasn’t working. “Gabriel.” He closed it again, feeling like a kicked puppy. “Grace will help the scarring go away – it’s a long process. It can take months and even then, he won’t be completely healed.”

“But he’ll get better?”

“He should. The meds are already working for some of the infection. It should help him enough to regain full control. Gabriel it will take a toll on your grace. A big one.”

“Do you think I won’t?” Gabriel looked at his brother, really looked him right in the eye willing him to see. “You almost fell for Dean, don’t you think that I’d give this up for Sam too?” Dean just stared at the two of them for a long time as they all stood there without speaking. “I’d fall for him.”

The entire atmosphere in the room felt dense. Dean was staring, Gabriel and Castiel too but only at each other.

It was Sam who broke the silence. Gabriel was next to him in a second, helping him keep his body up as he coughed, passing a tissue to him for the blood. “Hey Sammy.”

“Hi.” Sam leaned into him. “’m tired.”

“Yeah, that’s okay. You’re fighting this. Your brother’s here.” Sam’s eyes shifted to Dean and a small smile stretched across his lips.

“Dean.”

“Hiya Sammy. You look like shit.” Sam huffed at that.

“Pretty accurate. What’s wrong with me?” Castiel explained it to him, albeit the shorter version. Gabriel could feel Sam sag against him as he listened. “Jesus christ.”

“I’m afraid he had nothing to do with it. Sorry kiddo,” Gabriel said, “but I’ll get you through huh? My mojo can handle this. You’ll be good as new before you know it.” Sam smiled at that, looking up at Gabriel with something unfamiliar in his eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. You go take a nap okay? I’ll wake you up when they bring your dinner.” From the corner of his eyes, Gabriel saw Castiel tap Dean on the shoulder and point to the door. Sam’s brother frowned at first, but when the angel whispered something in his hear, his entire expression changed. The accusing look that he threw his way told Gabriel enough.

“That’s going to be a while,” he muttered. “You should go home. You don’t have to wait for me.”

“I’ll wait.” Gabriel took one of Sam’s hands in his. “We’ve got a lot of healing to do. I can tell you some stories later if you want. I can bore you until you fall asleep.”

“Sounds good.” Sam sighed as the first grace flowed through him and started work. “It’s like liquid magic.”

“That’s just because you’re drugged up,” Gabriel snickered. “It’ll fade. Do you want me to tell you of the great Alexandrian library I once visited? Back before the fire?” He started telling him about the grandure of the place, the scrolls, even though he knew that Sam was out like a light after just a few minutes.

Talking didn’t just comforted Sam, it comforted Gabriel too, helped settle his worries. Sam was going to be okay, he’d be alright, even if it was the last thing he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself. 
> 
> I'm very sorry for that in advance - I'm drowning in studying and I think I'm taking it out on y'all. I'm very sorry for the wait! Also, I have to apologize if Sam's illness isn't realistic. I worked with what I knew about the demon blood from the top of my head. So yeah.


	8. #56 "It brings out the color of your eyes"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #56 “It brings out your eyes.” (1.2k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/137905880671/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-56)) As requested by an anon on Tumblr! c:
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Tags** ; _fluff, moving in together, nsfw, some making out_  
> 

_“I want to say that with you, I wear myself like a second best skin, I want to say that I love you but what_

_I mean is that you are every daydream I’ve had about the future, you are the walk with the dog in the sunny park,_

_you’re the foggy bathroom windows and the sleepy morning kisses._

 

_What I mean is that you are not always good and I still catch my breath, what I mean is that somewhere inside_

_of me there is a bird singing a song for you and I couldn’t tell you what she’s saying but I know that she means it._

 

_I want to say that I love you but what I mean is thank you, what I mean is you’re the first mouth I’ve kissed, w_

_hat I mean is your hands and mine. I love you and here I am and here you are and whichever glorious light_

_we’re standing in belongs to us, complete, here and now, it’s all ours.”_

**— AZRA.T., ‘WHAT I MEAN IS I LOVE YOU’**

* * *

 

 

 

Dean would so die laughing if he saw his brother like this. Sam had his hair tied up in a pony tail to keep it from falling in his eyes as he carried the boxes down from Gabriel’s apartment, surprised at just how much his boyfriend actually had. There were boxes upon boxes, enough to fill at least half the rental van within a half an hour of them getting there.

On any average day, Sam didn’t mind. He was stronger than Gabriel, had more muscle (he was a personal trainer with reason) and could lift more. Hell, Sam had practically _told_ Gabriel to just do the light stuff. Today however, it was _hot_. Sweat had started trickling down his back after just three tips downstairs and it wasn’t even from strain.

What made it worse was that Gabriel was sitting there in the air-conditioned cab of the truck after Sam – admittedly – pushed him to the sidelines. The last few boxes were too heavy for the other man to carry anyway and the heat had been getting to him. Gabriel was a lot of things, he was witty and smart and could probably outfox Sam in a lot of situations. One thing he _wasn’t_ however was good at pretending he was doing good.

“You done?” he asked from the cab, sitting with his legs swung out to the side.

“These are the last,” Sam huffed. “How much stuff do you have Gabe? Enough for five?” Sam had thought his brother had a lot of stuff when he moved out, but it was nothing compared to all the things that were coming out of the small apartment. “How did it even fit? Willpower?”

“Probably,” he shrugged. “It won’t be organizing let me tell you that.”

“Which is why I am unpacking the kitchen stuff and putting the books away,” he said. “So we can actually find something without your logic.” He had more than one memory of spending the night at Gabriel’s and cooking them breakfast in the morning, making his way around the unfamiliar kitchen and going through all the drawers before finding the right utensils.

Right now however, what he wanted was to go home turn on the air-conditioning, assemble their bed or blow up the air mattress and just _sleep._ Screw traditions and making out on their first night. First night, Sam wanted to fall asleep with Gabriel sleeping next to him spread out like a star fish. He wanted to fall asleep feeling a steady heartbeat against his skin and his arm around Gabriel’s waist.

Corny as it may be. Finally moving in with Gabriel was nice. It meant they could finally live together, finally had that chance to explore an avenue of their relationship they hadn’t been able to. Sure, spending a week at the other’s apartment was something, but it wasn’t the same.

Last time Sam had lost something in Gabriel’s apartment was the day before and that was telling enough. It was still a strange place to him. He’d never be able to see it as his or know his way around completely. Gabriel had told him that he’d felt the same way when being over at Sam’s. Which, lets be real, Sam could imagine. He’d lived in the apartment above the center for such a long time he no longer noticed the noises coming from downstairs, Gabe did.

“I’m going to lock up upstairs,” Gabriel sighed as he slipped out of the cab. “Go sit down and drink something, you’ll dehydrate.”

“Yes doctor,” Sam sighed, but he had to agree.

 

Unloading the boxes took as long as it had taken to get them in the van. As they brought the last few pieces in, the sun was starting to set and the heat had finally, blissfully, decided to disappear, making way for a comfortable fifteen degrees.

Most of the boxes had been dropped somewhere at random, both of them too tired to really do anything else than sit down on the sturdier ones and eat take out Chinese they’d picked up on the way there. Their house still smelled like paint and new furniture. It was just a little bit nauseating, even though they’d had the windows open all morning.

“What do you think?” Gabriel asked, holding up the box for the air mattress. “We being lazy tonight or are we assembling a huge ass bed at nine pm?”

“If I see another screw today I’m throwing it in the trash,” he muttered under his breath. “We deserved lazy after all of this and let’s face it.” His gaze drifted to the box. “If we assemble the bed now we’re probably up until one because we keep doing it wrong.” Gabriel walked over to where he was standing against the counter, box forgotten at the kitchen table. “Don’t you think?”

Sam’s hands rested on his boyfriend’s hips, gentle and for nothing but keeping him there.

“Yeah,” Gabriel sighed, moving closer. “Let’s go up? I’m beat.”

 

Gabriel had the mattress set up by the time Sam came out, dressed in nothing but his boxers. His PJ’s were somewhere in the boxes, probably the ones downstairs and he had to be real, Gabriel had seen him naked, seeing him in his boxers wasn’t going to kill him, probably.

“Trying new PJ’s?” Gabriel asked with a grin before falling down on the mattress, laughing as he bounced. “I forgot that these are really fun.”

“You like ‘em?” Sam couldn’t help but grin at the idiot of a boyfriend and how he was starfished across the bed. Gabriel padded next to him and he lay down. “They’re new.” Which was, sort of true? Sam wasn’t even quite sure if they were his or Gabriel’s anymore, he’d just plucked them out of their laundry pile.

Gabriel ran his hand over his ribs, gently, teasing. “Really? Because I seem to believe _I_ bought them,” he was grinning though. “I like them. They bring out your eyes.” His hand spanned across his muscles. “You know how I like them more?”

“No, but I have a feeling.” Their eyes met and he could feel the all too familiar arousal stir. “You mean right there on the floor of our, reasonably clean carpet?”

“Maybe,” Gabriel shrugged before pulling Sam closer to kiss, hesitating before their lips met. “I think I like them anywhere _but_ on that sweet little ass of yours.” His hands slid over his skin, resting on Sam’s waist just long enough to pull him up and have him straddle his hips. “What do you think Sammy? How about we christen the house, huh?”

“I really hate you sometimes,” Sam sighed, but delved in for the kiss anyway. He was exhausted and worn but damn it, he was still awake for this. The new house _was_ a bit of a turn on. “Like really, _really_ hate you.” His lips skidded down the other man’s jaws, down the throat.

He drew in a sharp breath as Sam reached the dip where his collar bones met. “Oh I know. I hate you too sometimes. Pinkie promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I call this awkward asexual starts to get a hang on writing smut? *shrugs*_
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself.


	9. #86 "You are important too."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is starting to lose his mind, slowly but surely. It's after two days of no sleep and staring at the walls that the hallucinations come and with them Lucifer. He wants to tell himself it's alright, that it's not real, but it isn't.  
> He's not okay.
> 
> #86 "You are important too.” (1.3k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/139078586741/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-86))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Tags** ; _hurt/comfort, fallen Gabriel, blood, graphic imagery, hallucinations, angst, cuts, punching a mirror, self injury, Lucifer metions, hallucifer,_

I thought I saw the devil, this morning

Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue

With the warning to help me see myself clearer

I never meant to start a fire,

I never meant to make you bleed,

I'll be a better man today

**I’ll be good - Jaymes Young**

* * *

 

 

The bunker was silent. Lonely. Sam had just sat in his room for a long time, staring at the walls and the ceiling. There had been tears at first now he was just…disconnected. Dean had come in a few hours ago, grumbled something about it being noon and why was he still in bed. Sam didn’t actually know when night had turned into dawn or day.

Gabriel had wondered in once or twice, put a hand on his shoulder and tried to get him to respond to him. Seeing the plain hurt in his eyes when he realized it wouldn’t work almost hurt Sam more than it hurt Gabe. He just couldn’t muster up the energy to do so, to get up, eat what they left him.

A look on the clock had told him it was five pm now. His muscles almost hurt from not moving so long, from having his knees pulled up to his chest. His face was turned away from any reflective surface he had in his room. His eyes were pressed shut, scared they’d see again.

* * *

 

_It wasn’t real._

_It wasn’t real._

_It wasn’t real._

* * *

 

  
Except, it was. He’d seen his hands, he’d seen his hands covered in blood. He’d seen it and felt the warm stickiness of it. Sam had heard his voice, heard the laugh that sounded so wrong and mangled. Heard Gabriel scream in the back of is head, had seen the body just laying there.

Worst of all? Lucifer’s laugh coming out of his mouth, Lucifer’s grin on his lips. The ‘hello Sam’ he had heard his own lips say. It had made his stomach lurch, send his dinner of the previous night down the toilet bowl. He would figure this out.

He’d survived before, seeing Lucifer. It had taken hurt, but he’d gotten through.

* * *

 

_It wasn’t real._

_It wasn’t real._

_It wasn’t real._

* * *

 

It had felt real and that was worst of it. Hallucinating Lucifer before had been something he could handle. Even the suicidal tendencies and anxiety, he could handle. This, he couldn’t. He needed to and it would pass, but it felt like he couldn’t.

Finally he’d found a place for himself again, had found his own identity again after being the vessel for an angel – first Lucifer and then Gadreel – and now this was happening. This was happening and it was making him doubt everything again. Making him doubt he was not in hell.

“Oh you’re not.” The voice was teasing in the back of his mind. “You going crazy yet, Sam?”

“Get out,” he snarled, mustering up all the venom he could. “Leave me alone. Get lost.”

“I’m not even here.” Sam shifted his gaze up from the sink to the mirror, at the wicked smile that was looking back at him there. “Don’t you get it Sammy, it’s all in your mind. You can’t even stop it, can you?” The grin spread, eyes still staring right at him. “Do all you want. All that hunting is finally catching up with you and now you’re just waiting until it’ll get to you for good huh?”

His fingernails dug into the soft skin at the palms of his hands. Breathe. You’ll be okay. Lucifer wasn’t there. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. Lucifer was in the cage with Michael and he would stay there. Heaven’s protections prevented him from escaping.

“Oh so naïve. But right. Why look so sad? Would you like for me to change into someone you’re more familiar with?” The face shifted, until Lucifer’s eyes exchanged for Jess’s. “Hello Sam. I miss you.” A tear of blood welled up in her eyes and slid down. “Do you like this one better?” Jess’s voice was distorted, wrong. Oh god he still missed her.

It left an ugly mark on her face, coated her lips. Sam froze, blood like ice in his veins. Jess. No. Not her, please not her, please not her.

“Or maybe this?” Jessica’s face shifted into an all too familiar set of dark eyes. Gabriel. “I know you took a liking to this one. He to you as well, if the profanities my brother thinks are anything to go by.” Gabriel’s – no Lucifer’s – eyebrow quirked up. “Never pegged you for such a softie. But then again. He’s dead too, isn’t he? Your precious little angel, all gone awry and ending up causing his death for you monkeys. Or for one tall Monkey in particular. It’s not really death, is it, falling? Though shouldn’t it be? He’s living in the bunker with you now, it won’t get any more pathetic than that.”

“You won’t ridicule Gabriel or Jess like that,” he snarled. “They’re too important. Fuck off.” Sam’s fist connected with the mirror and it shattered. The mirror had been worn already, had been so close to breaking before. Now, it was just a shower of flecks of glass embedded in the wounds.

The hurt took Lucifer away again. It was happening again. It was all back and he couldn’t deal. He couldn’t, he couldn’t, he couldn’t.

“Oh fuck Sam.” There was a warm hand on his shoulder, turning open the sink and holding his hands under the water. The water stung, but whoever it was strong enough to keep his hands there. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” The skin was warm on his, he thought numbly. “What were you thinking, damned it.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just. Jesus.” A towel was pressed to the wounds, Sam could feel it stick to his skin. “Are you okay?”

“No.” It was probably the truest words he’d said in the past couple of days. He wasn’t okay, he really wasn’t. This time it may not even be a supernatural cause. Maybe this was just his mind sending him hallucinations without anyone being behind it. “I’m not.” Sam knew he was babbling, but it didn’t make a lick of sense, even to him. He ought to shut his mouth.

_Stop talking Sam. Stop it._

"Sam, look at me.” A gentle hand cupped his face and turned it up. Sam didn’t know when they’d walked over to his bed, but he was sat now, bandage bright white against the slightly tanned skin. “You are important too, don’t ever for a second think that you’re not. We’ll get Cas, he’ll fix you. Promise.”

 _Gabriel_. It was a muted thought before he was pulled into strong arms. He was only awe of how shallow he was breathing when he felt Gabriel's gentle breathing. Gabriel was warm and comfortable. Sam wanted to crawl in the hug and stay there, stop worrying. Stop being all together. Lucifer was gone but for how long? 

 _You are important too_. Sam wanted to laugh, but it came out wrong, almost broken. “Sam. Stop. Please." Gabriel's voice came from far away. Like it was reaching him through a thick pad of cotton. "Come back to us." Gabriel shifted, tilted his head up. Sam was only vaguely aware of him taking his hands, was only vaguely aware of how much they slipped in the blood that was still coming through the wraps and gauze. They stung. "Castiel, brother, I need you here.” Sam heard the flutter of wings and soft speaking in the background, before a hand touched his shoulder and he finally went into blissful dream free sleep.

 

Gabriel was with him when he woke up again, eyes wide and worried. He couldn't deal with it, not right now. Not with all that had happened the past few days.

But Gabriel was there and he had stayed. If anything could make him feel even a smidge better about this, it was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request"](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself.  
> Hope you enjoyed! ;u;


	10. #11 “You can have half.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #11 “You can have half.” (1k - [Tumblr](http://buriedsam.tumblr.com/post/136602838236/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-57)) As requested by leviathncas (I'm sorry this is so late!)
> 
> If you want to request one of these, check [this post!](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Tags** ; _fluff, them being parents, adoption._

_I’m dedicating every day to you_

_Domestic life was never quite my style_

_When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart_

_And I thought I was so smart_

**Dear Theodosia // the Hamilton Cast.**

 

Gabriel wasn’t quite aware when their family time had become this. When sleeping in had been exchanged for waking up at nine am because there was a child crawling up your bed and over your body. Gabriel couldn’t say he minded. When Grace came into their lives, he’d completely given up the dream of their adoption actually being approved. They’d gone for so incredibly long doubting and not getting answers, sometimes even being turned away without a second glance and now she was here.

No, _they_ were here. Two little blessings; siblings. The adoption agency hadn’t wanted to split them up and while it wasn’t what they’d expected, they were thankful for what they got.

Grace was four years old and stubborn as could be, always wanted them to be awake when she was and always wanted to help out with dressing her baby brother. Not that he was still a real baby; at eighteen months, he was a waggling happy toddler who was just finding a proper balance when walking.

“Sam.” Grace was crawling over his legs now, to the place that was always reserved for her, right between her two fathers. “Wake up.”

“Papa,” she said around her pacifier. “Papa!” Sam just stirred, turning to his other side before curling up and going right back to sleep. _Oh well_. He had been up with Nick and his teething problems, he deserved a bit of a break.

“Yes, sweetheart,” Gabriel sighed, “but what did with say about the binky? When do we use it?”

“Night time?” she asked, small frown on her brow.

“Yes, and you know what time it is now? Do you think papa could have it?” She pouted – a habit Gabriel swore she’d already picked up from Sam – but took it out of her mouth anyway. “Thank you.” At first, it had been a bit gross, he had to admit that. Gabriel had thought he’d never get used to having spit stained pacifiers and others on him, but if he was honest, it really wasn’t the worst. _Diapers on the other hand_. Gabriel would be so happy when both Grace and Nick were one hundred percent potty trained and they could throw out the diapers for good.

“Breakfast?”

“You hungry, huh?” _That made two of them._ “Let’s go. But shhh.” He put his finger to his lips. “Let’s not wake your daddy up huh?”

“Of course papa,” she whispered, reaching her arms out for him. “Up?”

“Yeah.” _Maybe this was the best of all_. “Oh, you’re getting heavy little one.”

“Daddy said you lie,” she quipped happily. “Girls need to grow up!”  So Sam had told her that, huh? Of course he had. It wasn’t’ like Gabriel didn’t agree, it wasn’t like she was getting heavy at all, she  was just not the young little girl they’d seen three months ago.

It was odd, how quickly she still changed, how much her speech had progressed. “Girls need to, that’s true. One day, papa won’t be able to lift you up as easily though.”

“Daddy will!”

“Yes, daddy will,” he sighed, “but your daddy does not have the pancake skills I have. Do you want pancakes?” Sam had always been the more muscular one of the two of them and truth be told, it kind of hurt Gabe that she’d already picked up on that. “And sweetheart, there’s muscle under here too.”

“Underneath the soft?” she asked, small frown pulling along her brow. “Underneath the pillows?”

“Yeah.” Gabriel couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Underneath the soft. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to do this.” He lifted her higher, just high enough for her to squeal and laugh. “Do you want to sit on the counter, yeah? Good.”

He sat her down on the counter as he made the batter for their pancakes. It was pretty straight forward, it wasn’t something he needed to pay attention to. Sometimes, that was a blessing, sometimes it meant that he got to listen to her babble and talk and he could laugh with her. Or let her help him a bit.

Only when they got to the baking part of their morning adventure did he put Grace with her toys. If she got burned, Gabriel would never forgive himself. They’d risk her being taken away again, the social worker who still checked up on them would doubt them. It wasn’t something they could afford.

 

Sam wasn’t up when the pancakes were done, but they decided to just eat. He deserved to take a little break, to sleep in. the past few days had been rough on him and his sleep schedule. Work on top of a crying child that wouldn’t sleep at all was rough on anyone, but Sam had six am shifts and Gabriel didn’t.

They ate in silence, or at least in as much of a silence as was possible with two kids running around. Nick had started crying when the pancakes were about done and regardless, he ought to eat anyway, so Gabriel had taken him from his crib and tiptoed downstairs.

Grace was trying her best to feed her brother, which only resulted in sticky cheeks and giggles and well, it could be worse. Honestly, it was nothing a bath wouldn’t fix. Sure, they’d eaten more than he’d expected and he didn’t know if Sam would have any, but they could always make more.

 

Gabriel looked up when he felt arms snake around his waist. He didn’t even bother hiding the amused smile as Sam rested his head on his shoulders.

“You already ate,” he said, almost accusing. “Pancakes even, why didn’t you wake me?”

“You deserved sleep,” he shrugged, threading his fingers through Sam’s. “You can have half of mine if you want?”

“Nah, eat them.” He pressed a sleepy smile to his temple. “I’m good with coffee.”

“Okay,” he sighed, “good. I’m going to put these guys in a bath. You’re all sticky.”

“Sticky!” Grace said happily before running up to her daddy and hugging him tightly. “Morning daddy!”

“Good morning to you too sweetheart.” Gabriel felt his heart just _swell_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! c: If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com) and [request"](http://confusedjimmy.tumblr.com/post/136192000530/100-ways-to-say-i-love-you-sabriel-edition) one of these one shots for yourself.


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